This is my rant…

ON BECOMING THE UGLY NASTINESS I HATE TO SEE BUT LOVE TO JUDGE IN THE WORLD…

ON WHEN I REALISED MY CLAPBACK WAS BEING MESSED WITH…

“Every matter of dispute can either be settled or inflamed, depending on the ‘wind of words’ you blow on it. Mind your words, not just your wounds.” – Sam Kputu

Yes, it IS possible to become the ugly nastiness I hate to see in the world but love to judge.  You may recall, I recently published a blogpost with this topic (You can find the link to this blogpost below).

I choose these views not because they come to me naturally…NOPE! They don’t! LOL! I am very good at CLAPPING BACK AT ANYONE who I think is doing me, or the world wrong. But I choose to TRY TO CHOOSE ‘the God way’ (so help me God) because my way, ‘the Toyin way’ that feels oh so logical and ‘true’ in the moment of heat, has never proven to bring peace to me, or to the world for even one second.

Instead, my way fuels the sparks and fans the flames.

So I choose and accept, that my way is not the way to peace, neither is it the way to resolving the pain and broken nastiness I hate to see but love to judge in the world.

Can YOU say that ‘your way’ brings peace, not just for you, in a moment…but true healing, reconciliation, restoration of ‘sanity’ to all? When you are riled up because of yet another horrific incident in your neighbourhood/family, or something absurd your government just did, or something hateful another group of people just demonstrated…when you are all fired up and ready to take action, ask yourself, ARE YOU FUELLING THE SPARKS AND FANNING THE FLAMES? Are you only paying attention to your wounds, and not to whether your reaction (justified or not) will actually take the world to a better place of healing?

We often blame God for the pain, hatred and strife we see in the world, but when it comes to choosing how to handle it, we opt for our own way – a way that comes naturally and that makes sense to us. Then we blame God when it gets worse and worse. Then we shake our fists at the heavens and demand to know what kind of God could see so much suffering and heartache in the world, and sit back and do nothing about it.

Well, I know God is not sitting back and doing nothing about it. I know that, because I have experienced that. So, what is He doing? What is the ‘God way’, or ‘the narrow way’ when we face the nastiness we hate to see in the world?

Brace yourself. I’m gettin’ ready to call it like it is, and this will annoy some, because most of us do not like the softer side of God, when it is being extended to people that we think are the unmentionables extraordinaire. We only like the softer side of God when He is extending it to us (which, by the way, is always). But here goes – the God way:

The Bible (John 8:1-11 – go look it up) tells us a true story of a time when the ‘very religious’ people of that time brought a woman caught in adultery to Jesus. They threw her at His feet and hurled all the ‘right’ accusations at her. She was caught in adultery. No biggie, in our current age, but back then, it was punishable by stoning! And that is what her accusers were demanding – that Jesus ‘sentence’ her to a gruesome death.

Any of this sound familiar?

Sentenced anybody lately (in your heart)? Damned any group of people to hell and beyond lately?

What are the horrific things that our mainstream culture nowadays considers to be a no-no? What are the things you see in the world that horrify YOU right now? Yes…think about it. Place it front and centre of your mind…now hear me. It’s that thing that I am talking about! Yes. Feel the pinch…and…now let’s continue. How did Jesus deal?

He was quiet…

…for a bit…

Then He made a statement that silenced the masses (which would include you and I, most of the time).

“He who is without sin, cast the first stone.”

I have goosebumps, just typing that.

Which of you, right now, has a clean slate? No, you may not be dirty with what irks you the most in the world. No, you may not be the most prejudiced guy in the room, or the most corrupt, or the most unfaithful, or the most murderous…but what’s your thing? We all have a thing. What’s yours? What’s your thing that you do that is harmful to your soul and spirit, hurtful to others, or to the Most High God?

Now…why are you ready to crucify someone doing something that is granted, horrific, but you are giving yourself a pass from being judged with the same stick? Why are you not peddling hashtags all over social media and throwing hateful and intolerant rants around about your thing, but you are trigger happy to do it about someone else’s thing?

Or are there grades of horrific? Are there grades of ‘things’?

In our eyes, yes, there are grades. But not in God’s eyes, clearly.

Because in that story I told you, Jesus did not say that anybody else who had NOT committed adultery should go ahead and hurl the first stone at the woman. Rather, He said, “he who is without [any] sin, cast the first stone”…

Of course…no one could move…no one could go ahead to execute the judgment they had, up until moments before that, felt entitled to execute. Because they all had their own nice laundry list of nastiness. Just like I do…and you may too…

Then Jesus told the lady the most amazing thing…something that sadly, He has had very many reasons and occasions to tell me:

“I also do not condemn you.”

Wait. Was that all? Did Jesus just pat this woman on the back for doing something that even in this day and age, we know in our gut is wrong, and it brings much hurt and pain into the world? Did He just send her on her merry way to continue hurting people and contributing to the breakdown of the family unit? Did He give her a pass to go ahead and keep adding to the world’s problems?

No.

Jesus instructed the lady to go her way, and STOP DOING THE NASTY with people that were not hers to do the nasty with. (LOL!)

That is the JESUS WAY. He does not condemn us for our nastiness. He does not ‘clapback’ at us for our mess ups. He loves us so indescribably, and knows that we are a mess without Him. So He forgives us and prevents the crowds from judging us…yes…including you and I who don’t think we are ‘that bad’…

BUT He ALSO sets us up to make better choices in life. He sets us up with the power to stop doing those things that break our world even further. He sets us up to be the best version of ourselves -the version of His glory that He designed us to carry. And lastly, He sets us up to ‘go and do likewise’, that is, to partner with Him to bring real, restorative solutions to the ugly nastiness that we hate to see in the world.

President GW Bush recently said, “We judge others by the worst examples of their kind, but we like to judge ourselves by our best intentions.”

I know I have been guilty of this. And I know that this is a huge part of the problem we see in the world. We excuse our own nastiness but we judge others fiercely.

We love to hate the injustices, or the ‘unrighteousness’ we see, and yet, in our quest to correct the wrong, we become the wrong. We become self-righteous. We become proud. We become hateful. We become accusing. We become crass. We become prejudiced. We become divisive. We become guilty of the very stuff we are judging. We become the very ugly nastiness that we hate to see but love to judge in the world.

And then problems in our lives and in the world only get exacerbated, and not resolved…and vicious cycles of pain get entrenched and become way more cutting, because those who were meant to be solution-bringers have become problem-stirrers.

I will try to think about this the next time I see something in the world that irks me, and I’m getting ready to CLAP RIGHT BACK (ooops, that already happened this morning!)

Will you join me?

Will you dare to take the road less travelled? Will you dare to choose ‘the narrow way’?

Let’s be the true solution bringers that God has set us up to be in the world. He is not sitting back waiting for us humans to destroy ourselves, so that He can create a better world with better people. He sent His Son to pay the ultimate price for the healing of our broken world and lives. Then He sent YOU and I to entrench and effect His love, peace and healing in the world. Jesus did His part by laying down His life, basically as a ransom for us. Unnatural! Unheard of! But it was the price – so He paid it in love. Now He invites us to follow suit by being willing to do the unnatural, for the sake of healing our world.

Don’t become the very nastiness that you hate to see but love to judge in the world. Choose the God way, the narrow way. It leads to life.

As always, I end my rants by saying:

I am Toyin…

…fully convicted by my own words, and very much under construction in the hands of my God.

Here are the blogposts I referred to above:

 

 

 

 

Read…share…comment…

 

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The B.O.O.M Walk Program by Toyin Oladiran

We all come from somewhere. We all have our battle scars. We all have those life experiences, past or even ongoing, that have forced us into shadowy corners in our lives, preventing us from living fully, loving fully and most of all, serving God to the uttermost.

Some of us have carried on in this way, and gone on to do life ‘normally’, to become pastors, engineers, fathers, builders, lovers, secretaries, government officials, wives, teachers, sports coaches, gym instructors, you name it. Yet many are living a façade; a classic tale of smokes and mirrors. Many are carrying around, and being defined by those pivotal life experiences. Many have learnt to accept that this is just the way life is – living with and from the baggage.

What’s your scar? Where does it come from? Is it still driving your thoughts and responses to life? Are you tired of your scars keeping you wedged off into the fringes and sidelines of life, constantly angry, bitter, frustrated, rejected, insecure, proud, self-righteous … etc?

That’s what you and I will be tackling with the HOLY SPIRIT in The B.O.O.M WALK PROGRAM.💥

This Program is for EVERYONE…
…Yes, I said EVERYONE!

Be careful now. Do not think that only people who struggle with what we erroneously call ‘the big sins’ like murder, slavery, adultery etc struggle with the ‘Old Man’ (‘B.O.O.M’ stands for ‘bow out, Old Man’). Yes those are reflections of the ‘Old Man’ at work, but for the vast majority of people, the traits of the ‘Old Man’ are way more subtle, and internal.

I’m talking anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, self-righteousness, pride, fear, insecurity, rebellion against God, inferiority complex, lack of self-control…the list can go on.

The ‘Old Man’ thrives in secrecy… it’s all about the state of the mind, isn’t it?

Come on. Do not be afraid! And do not settle for more of the same!

Click here now to indicate your interest and to begin to prepare your heart and your spaces. The kind of transformation we are talking about here does not come by the click of a finger, neither does it come by lurking in a spectator’s seat. You need to take a bold step, own who you are and where you are at, and come along, for The B.O.O.M Walk Program.

I cannot WAIT to work with you. And if I am so excited about it, imagine how God, the Incredible Lover of your soul feels?😉

Hugs and Love,

Toyin Oladiran (Christian Transformational Coach and Creator of The B.O.O.M Walk Program)

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The Narrow Gateway

We back your bold and brazen quest for #thatGodlife that is found by those who dare to enter by “the narrow way”.

Click here to get your free access to our edgy programs, podcasts, videos, blog-posts. Get the practical support that you need, to do life differently; to respond to life by taking the road less travelled.

WHAT IS GOD UP TO WHEN I’M GRIEVING?

You must have muttered or even screeched questions at God at times, right? “God! How could you allow me to go through this much loss? Where are you? Can’t You see I am grieving? I wanna know… how could You let this happen to me?!”

I know I have.

Well, here’s your chance…

The next W.I.T.N.G Chat Show on The Narrow Gateway is titled “What is God up to when I’m grieving?”

Yup! We are asking some hard questions here on The Narrow Gateway; only because we know that we have chosen to follow a God who is not phased by our questions, neither is He confused about how to answer them. We also serve a God who wants us to come to Him in our weakest state, and He promises to exchange our weakness for His strength. We are ready to hear what He has to say, and most of all, we are ready to receive His peace.

My guest will be Phumla Wamukoya. Phumla is a recently widowed mother of two boys aged 5 and 7, she is an Occupational Therapist who runs her own business, and a brave woman who loves God and wants to share her experiences of God in her grief, with you.

I’ll be recording this show for The Narrow Gateway on Tuesday, 31 October 2017, and I would love to receive questions you may have for us to tackle on the show. (To submit your questions by Friday, 27 October 2017, please first read reading this piece, and then click here)

So…what questions do you have for God about what He is up to when life hurls shards of broken glass at you?

Where is God when I’m grieving?

What is He up to?

Why do bad things happen to good people?

How could God allow innocent people to suffer?

If God had the power to end this, why didn’t He?

Is there purpose in my pain?

Why would God not prevent pain from pouring over me?

How can a ‘good God’ sit back and watch people He claims to love suffer?

I’ll be asking the question, “What do I say to someone I am counselling or coaching, who is currently going through tragedy that he feels that God could have averted but chose not to?”

Ask your questions. Phumla does not claim to be a guru on universal grief. She is just a woman who loves God and has experienced Him first hand as real in her life, even in the worst times of grief. She will simply share what she has learnt through her own journey.

I believe there is so much we could all get out of this.

Please click here to submit your questions and send your questions by Friday, 27 Oct 2017, so that I can get them in time for us to tackle them when we record on Tuesday, 31 October.

I look forward to hearing from you.

P.S You may have friends or family that are seeking an answer from God on these issues. Please go ahead and send this to them so that they can also submit their questions.

Hugs,

Christian Transformational Coach and Founder of The Narrow Gateway

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The B.O.O.M Walk Program by Toyin Oladiran

We all come from somewhere. We all have our battle scars. We all have those life experiences, past or even ongoing, that have forced us into shadowy corners in our lives, preventing us from living fully, loving fully and most of all, serving God to the uttermost.

Some of us have carried on in this way, and gone on to do life ‘normally’, to become pastors, engineers, fathers, builders, lovers, secretaries, government officials, wives, teachers, sports coaches, gym instructors, you name it. Yet many are living a façade; a classic tale of smokes and mirrors. Many are carrying around, and being defined by those pivotal life experiences. Many have learnt to accept that this is just the way life is – living with and from the baggage.

What’s your scar? Where does it come from? Is it still driving your thoughts and responses to life? Are you tired of your scars keeping you wedged off into the fringes and sidelines of life, constantly angry, bitter, frustrated, rejected, insecure, proud, self-righteous … etc?

That’s what you and I will be tackling with the HOLY SPIRIT in The B.O.O.M WALK PROGRAM.💥

This Program is for EVERYONE…
…Yes, I said EVERYONE!

Be careful now. Do not think that only people who struggle with what we erroneously call ‘the big sins’ like murder, slavery, adultery etc struggle with the ‘Old Man’ (‘B.O.O.M’ stands for ‘bow out, Old Man’). Yes those are reflections of the ‘Old Man’ at work, but for the vast majority of people, the traits of the ‘Old Man’ are way more subtle, and internal.

I’m talking anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, self-righteousness, pride, fear, insecurity, rebellion against God, inferiority complex, lack of self-control…the list can go on.

The ‘Old Man’ thrives in secrecy… it’s all about the state of the mind, isn’t it?

Come on. Do not be afraid! And do not settle for more of the same!

Click here now to indicate your interest and to begin to prepare your heart and your spaces. The kind of transformation we are talking about here does not come by the click of a finger, neither does it come by lurking in a spectator’s seat. You need to take a bold step, own who you are and where you are at, and come along, for The B.O.O.M Walk Program.

I cannot WAIT to work with you. And if I am so excited about it, imagine how God, the Incredible Lover of your soul feels?😉

Hugs and Love,

Toyin Oladiran (Christian Transformational Coach and Creator of The B.O.O.M Walk Program)

---

The Narrow Gateway

We back your bold and brazen quest for #thatGodlife that is found by those who dare to enter by “the narrow way”.

Click here to get your free access to our edgy programs, podcasts, videos, blog-posts. Get the practical support that you need, to do life differently; to respond to life by taking the road less travelled.

The day I became the ugly nastiness that I hate to see but love to judge in the world

– A Crowd-the-Platform Piece by Toyin Oladiran (storyline by Mercy Faleyimu)

I went to sleep one Monday night with one thought on my mind. That day, I had become the ugly nastiness I hate to see but love to judge in the world. What would my Tuesday look like?

Rewind.

One beautiful Monday morning, I left my “no-admission sign” at home. My “no-admission sign” is my sense. My values. It’s that ‘thing’ in my mind that encourages or restrains my lifestyle, and my character. It’s what shapes my response to life. We all have a “no admission” sign; no matter what you believe in, no matter where you are from, no matter your religion. We all have a “no admission” sign that shapes what we accept into our lives, and what we put out into the world.

Well, I am a Christian, and on that day, my “no-admission sign” that helps me align my response to life with Christ’s example, was nowhere near me.

So here’s how it went down.

When I stepped out of my house, everything was all good. Hair style, check. Outfit, on point. Not to mention, I was wearing a new jacket. Yup, I was very ready for a productive work day. Off I went through my apartment complex and out the gate. I stood on the side of the road, waiting contentedly for an okada (motorcycle) to take me to work.

It’s that ‘thing’ in my mind that encourages or restrains my lifestyle, and my character. It’s what shapes my response to life. We all have a “no admission” sign; no matter what you believe in, no matter where you are from, no matter your religion.

Next thing I know, a Hyundai Jeep whizzed its massive tyres right through the large puddle of icky mud water that was in front of me! I mean! I was drenched from face to feet in dirty mud, don’t let me even get started on the state of my spanking new jacket. But the guy didn’t even look back for a second. He continued speeding off in his fancy jeep, leaving me shocked and deflated!

To say I was annoyed is an understatement. I was livid. And so, I stepped into a form; a script that with hindsight, I know that I, the real me anyway, did not write. God certainly did not write it either. I got into character and vented very nicely and heartily, hurling choice scathing words at the guy, stopping between words only for some serious hissing and huffing. I wished he would have stopped the car to face my wrath.

Pity though because, I didn’t close the script and toss it after I vented out all that unrighteous indignation, neither did I hurry back into my heart to retrieve my “no-admission sign”. I took my fuming mass of anger and my sharp and ready tongue ,and hopped on the next okada to work. That okada driver must have seen the thundering clouds circling around my head, because he stayed in his lane, well well! One wrong move, and he would have been my victim number 2.

Turns out my victim number 2 was not to be the okada driver, after all. Ahhh! Enter Ayo, my co-worker. Hmmm…

You know those people that just think that brilliant sunlight streams out, every time they open their mouths? They are so self-involved that it’s like they live in a plane above ours, and they act like they are clueless about what other “lowly human beings” are up to? You know those people that give you a bored once over when they first meet you, then they sniff twice as their eyes glaze over, as if they wish they had not seen you at all? Yep, that was Ayo. And yep, that’s how she looked at me most of the time.

I remember, back in secondary school, girls like that would be the “cool chicks” for sure. And the rest of us would console ourselves by imagining a day when we were older and richer and way more successful professionally than they would be. That would only be fair right? LOL! Doesn’t always work that way though, does it?

Anyway, Ayo was that girl.

Now the way I usually handled her was to just to ignore her. I would just mutter some platitudes to avoid her pettiness and drama, you know, when I was in my right senses and I had my “no-admission sign” in place. But alas! Today was not to be such a day.

So, I walked into the office and I saw Ayo, and the first thought that flashed through my mind was “Dear God oooo! Let dis ghel not try meee!!! Today na today. If this self-declared princess so much as crosses my path today, she will know what it means to spell my name backward! As in!!! By the time I am done with her ehn… hmmm…I mean, why would anyone make it their life’s work to make other people feel small and puny?! What did I ever do to you? I’m done taking it o.”

Poor Ayo. She didn’t know what hit her. When she sashayed over to me to blab about some inconsequential and nonsense mis-step she imagined I had committed, I was all over her like a bad rash!

Hahaha! Yhoooo! Ayo was shocked! I was elated! As in, I was patting my own back and fist pumping myself. “See God, there’s a time to turn the other cheek, and there’s a time to give as much as you get. See how quickly she shut her mouth?” And I went about the rest of my day with my battle axe on my shoulder, and my sword in my hand. Ready for my next victim.

I wish I could end this piece by telling you that an hour or so after leaving Ayo stunned and confused, my spirit spoke to my heart, and my heart spoke to my mind, and my mind spoke to my mouth, and my mouth spoke to God to ask for some sort of forgiveness for hating on His (rather annoying) creation, Ayo. I wish I could say that I soon realised that I had just dished out my worst to someone that God loves as intensely as He loves me, even despite all my many mess ups, and blah blah blah…but nope.. Nothing like that. My “no-admission sign” was still off.

Here’s what happened. My hours and minutes were invaded by thoughts of snarling quips. Wicked thoughts. Prideful thoughts. Bitter thoughts. I was going about my work as usual but in my mind, I was sitting on a throne, judging this person and that person, sentencing them all to hell on a fast train, and loving it. So when that work day ended, and it was time to head back home, it was not me who packed up my things, picked up my bags and left the office. It was some chick; a fragment of who God made me to be. An unrecognizable version of myself. A mirror-image of the mess that my day had thrown at me; the mess that had gotten me all riled up in the first place.

I had become the ugly nastiness that I hate to see and love to judge in the world.

I wish I could end this piece by telling you that an hour or so after leaving Ayo stunned and confused, my spirit spoke to my heart, and my heart spoke to my mind, and my mind spoke to my mouth, and my mouth spoke to God to ask for some sort of forgiveness for hating on His (rather annoying) creation, Ayo.

It turns out that by lashing out at the world for lashing out at me, all I achieved was to get cornered into acrid and brash spaces of more of the same. Yes, I may have put out and given my best shot. Yes I may have put so, so and so in their place and let them know that they best not try me when the sun is shinin’…or something like that. But in the bigger picture, I came away gaining nothing.

Instead, I lost my peace. I lost my strength to rise above the nonsense that life does hurl at you; and yes, let’s not get it twisted, a broken world hurls broken things at its people. But most of all, most tragic of all, most pointless of all, I dented my flow with God. And now with the benefit of hindsight, which as they say, is 20-20, I know that it all went downhill that morning, when I forgot to strap on my “no-admission sign”.

What was the point of it all? What leg did I have to stand on, when I was giving as “good” as I got; when I am acting on the very same (mis)values that Ayo lives by? How do I complain about hatred, prejudice, bitterness, anger, rejection, elitism, racism, when in response to it, I act out by being hateful, prejudiced, bitter, angry, elitist, racist etc? Or is it that I am entitled to act out, because “they did it first”? If I am entitled to be broken and to lash out at the world because I am a victim, then what if those that victimised me were (or are) also victims of someone else’s anger, and bitterness, and prejudice, and hatred and racism and elitism etc?

Let me put it this way.

If I hit back at the world for hitting at me, what makes me different from the world that hit at me? What leg do I have to stand on, if I throw hate at those who throw hate at me? Am I more justified than the first hater, simply because my hate is in response to their hate? What if their hate is in response to the hate that someone else threw at them when they started their morning, or their lives for that matter?

The cycle goes on and on. Why can’t I be the one to break it?

Where does entitlement end? When does mercy and forgiveness begin? Where does strength and the quest to be whole and to be a source of healing, and not a contributor to the brokenness of the world, kick in?

I went to sleep that Monday night with one thought on my mind. That day, I had become the ugly nastiness that I hate to see and love to judge in the world, and it was because I had somehow left home without my “no-admission sign”.

What would my Tuesday look like?

I am Toyin…

fully convicted by my own words and very much still under construction in the hands of the Father.

Written by Toyin Oladiran (Storyline by Mercy Faleyimu)

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Crowd-the-Platform

If you would like to do (write or record a video or podcast) a Crowd-the-Platform piece for The Narrow Gateway, click here to find out how. 

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The B.O.O.M Walk Program by Toyin Oladiran

We all come from somewhere. We all have our battle scars. We all have those life experiences, past or even ongoing, that have forced us into shadowy corners in our lives, preventing us from living fully, loving fully and most of all, serving God to the uttermost.

Some of us have carried on in this way, and gone on to do life ‘normally’, to become pastors, engineers, fathers, builders, lovers, secretaries, government officials, wives, teachers, sports coaches, gym instructors, you name it. Yet many are living a façade; a classic tale of smokes and mirrors. Many are carrying around, and being defined by those pivotal life experiences. Many have learnt to accept that this is just the way life is – living with and from the baggage.

What’s your scar? Where does it come from? Is it still driving your thoughts and responses to life? Are you tired of your scars keeping you wedged off into the fringes and sidelines of life, constantly angry, bitter, frustrated, rejected, insecure, proud, self-righteous … etc?

That’s what you and I will be tackling with the HOLY SPIRIT in The B.O.O.M WALK PROGRAM.💥

This Program is for EVERYONE…
…Yes, I said EVERYONE!

Be careful now. Do not think that only people who struggle with what we erroneously call ‘the big sins’ like murder, slavery, adultery etc struggle with the ‘Old Man’ (‘B.O.O.M’ stands for ‘bow out, Old Man’). Yes those are reflections of the ‘Old Man’ at work, but for the vast majority of people, the traits of the ‘Old Man’ are way more subtle, and internal.

I’m talking anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, self-righteousness, pride, fear, insecurity, rebellion against God, inferiority complex, lack of self-control…the list can go on.

The ‘Old Man’ thrives in secrecy… it’s all about the state of the mind, isn’t it?

Come on. Do not be afraid! And do not settle for more of the same!

Click here now to indicate your interest and to begin to prepare your heart and your spaces. The kind of transformation we are talking about here does not come by the click of a finger, neither does it come by lurking in a spectator’s seat. You need to take a bold step, own who you are and where you are at, and come along, for The B.O.O.M Walk Program.

I cannot WAIT to work with you. And if I am so excited about it, imagine how God, the Incredible Lover of your soul feels?😉

Hugs and Love,

Toyin Oladiran (Christian Transformational Coach and Creator of The B.O.O.M Walk Program)

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The Narrow Gateway

We back your bold and brazen quest for #thatGodlife that is found by those who dare to enter by “the narrow way”.

Click here to get your free access to our edgy programs, podcasts, videos, blog-posts. Get the practical support that you need, to do life differently; to respond to life by taking the road less travelled.